Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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