watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
