I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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