Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
