When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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