I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
