She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
