I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it's like heaven, but drunker
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
