this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
