I seem to have left my pride at pride
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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