And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
