nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
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"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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