so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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