The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
