Moan for me like Helen Keller
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
