i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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