okay pat passed out under dana's car
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
