The maid of honor just puked.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
