So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
