38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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