I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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