there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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