I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can I color on your dick again?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
