there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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