I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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