well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
