im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
