you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
