No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
