; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
