I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
