Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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