He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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