yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
