Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you made out with another girl for some wings
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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