he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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