I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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