Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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