his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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