If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
