i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
