it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
