I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
