That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
