it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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