pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I deserve this hangover.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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