guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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