If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
