Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
