You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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