I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
