1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize