my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Be still, my beating vagina.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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