At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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