Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
