he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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