The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
