My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
