omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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