Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
