I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
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They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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