No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
