I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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