sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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