We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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