im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
