There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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