Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I still have a little drunk in my system
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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