So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
