Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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