i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
