how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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