I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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