the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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