you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
