I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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