I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
