you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
