tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
