these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
